Tuesday, March 1
Romance and nihilism
Went back to the bar last night, had read every page twice without finding an answer of some sort. Without finding anything. I wandered back, hoping he'd be there, praying for him to sit there like time had stood still. but once again, I entered an empty bar.
Same bartender, same drink. He lit my benson hedges and we connected. Theres no smoking in bars anymore you know. I wish I was dead.
Hours pass, gin pours down my throath. He must come, he must tell me why. I ask the bartender but he didn't know him.
- strange man, wasn't he he asks
- the most beautiful man Ive ever seen
I stay for hours, the evening turn into night and I turn into a very sad picture. Not moving nor feeling anything. Like a statue I sit there, waiting for a stranger to tell me what I need. (Aren't we all?)