At Naptek, sipping on a cold cappucino thinking about last night.Amanda waited in the hotel bar, laughing at some man who must have made a clever joke when I stepped in. He looked at me with such dispair. I ruined their moment. She wrapped her arms around me, kissed my forehead grabbed my arm and yelled VAMOS!
Dinner at Nobu, same crowd as always. She's beautiful in any room, I look like Donatella. We eat in silence, observing our surroundings closely. I drink more than I eat, blink more often than I breath. Out in the street again I loose track of her, she's gone and I can't bare calling. "Disappear here" she texts.
Alone in a bar with a ceiling filled with airplanes. Walls covered with photos of old american presidents. Im the only guest, the bartender is old and he makes for a sad excuse of a man. Dry martini, no music in the background. must have been turned of when I walked in. He's not closing, but the night is dying. I watch him with loving eyes as he fills up my glas, lights my smokes.
A man walks in, talking on his phone and orders a beer without making a pause in his conversation. He smiles at me. I empty my glas. Another one. Another road not taken.
One hour passes, I cant focus my eyes on one single object, my eyes move like a tornado. He changes seats, moves closer and when I look up he grabs my hand. Wedding ring on. He holds my cold thin fingers in a firm grip for a minute or two, Im to tired to care, to intrigued to pull back. When Ive finally gathered the curidge to say something he pushed a finger to my lips, lets me hand go and pick up a book from his briefcase. You need this more than I do he says, and leaves in such a hurry Im left wondering weather or not it actually happened.
Woke up this morning next to "Little birds". Anaïs Nin understands young girls better than we understand ourselves.
Why didn't he stay and tell me why. Why did I need it more than him?
Alone in a bar with a ceiling filled with airplanes. Walls covered with photos of old american presidents. Im the only guest, the bartender is old and he makes for a sad excuse of a man. Dry martini, no music in the background. must have been turned of when I walked in. He's not closing, but the night is dying. I watch him with loving eyes as he fills up my glas, lights my smokes.
A man walks in, talking on his phone and orders a beer without making a pause in his conversation. He smiles at me. I empty my glas. Another one. Another road not taken.
One hour passes, I cant focus my eyes on one single object, my eyes move like a tornado. He changes seats, moves closer and when I look up he grabs my hand. Wedding ring on. He holds my cold thin fingers in a firm grip for a minute or two, Im to tired to care, to intrigued to pull back. When Ive finally gathered the curidge to say something he pushed a finger to my lips, lets me hand go and pick up a book from his briefcase. You need this more than I do he says, and leaves in such a hurry Im left wondering weather or not it actually happened.
Woke up this morning next to "Little birds". Anaïs Nin understands young girls better than we understand ourselves.
Why didn't he stay and tell me why. Why did I need it more than him?
3 comments:
your writing makes me shiver inside. in the good way.
<3
I agree with Susan.
This post made my breath catch, beauty and wonder in it's words. Curiousity and the longing to know what was meant by his gesture.
Beautiful Belle, is that a new picture? If so, it looks like you are getting your health back :)
i held my breath while reading this. and yes, i wish we could too.
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