Tuesday, February 22

Staying in where crisp white sheets offer some sort of comfort. outside the crisp white snow offers suffering. For once I feel calm enough to chose the calmer option. At least for now, Im content hurting myself by reading words I loath written by the woman I fear will be the death of me.

Next piece is about me.
Mothers journal has for the last 84 pages not mention the fact that she has a daughter, not until now. Seeing my own name in her writing is much like a slap in the face, a stab in the gut. About my weight her thoughts circle she used to be thin, legs like a ballet dancer and lean strong arms. She used to look like me but now I dont know. I simply don't know what has happend. She goes on for another page. I feel sick and strangely violated by this. This was written two years a go.

We all hate what we wish we had when others posses it. We're nothing but petty creatures in the night. I was never the right size for her life, for her standards. To thin, to fat. It was never about weight really. It was about a love we both had lost and tried to regain by hating. This Armed family has always had a peculiar Modus operandi.

If you by any chance like the way I look, or at least dont despise it here's a black swan event. Ive been Style cloned on the smart and exciting site Styleclone.com.


helen said...

oh belle,
i am so sorry.
words hurt the most.
they never leave.

but congratulations on being published, because you do have very good taste in clothes, xo

Cas said...

Sometimes a mother's words can be most poisonous.

I completely understand how this feels, B.

Lund3on said...

You're as beautiful as your words.

Kel said...

Looks like we both have almost the same type of mom even we are ten of thousand km apart.

Thanks for the comment u left:)

Aurélie said...

Oh love, agree with helen. Nothing beats the written word, especially from the close ones when it comes to pain or breaking one down. We're here for you, always dear. And congratulations for the publishing. You're so worth it. Lots of love, aurélie

Tabs A. Geek said...

Parents words can be the most poisonous, even when we think we don't care what they think.

That's awesome that they style cloned you; your style is pretty freaking amazing.