I enter China white, dive straight into the euphoria that is chaos and coke. Loud music and beautiful people, eat me alive please. Consume my flesh.
Im in the middle of a deluge, a limbo. This is not an exit a sign tells me. No its not I suddenly scream out loud. Does anyone hear me though? No. Im like a tree falling in the forest.
They're busy chasing drugs, blow jobs or if nothing else at least a drink or two. I suddenly come to think about what one of my teachers once told me about the black sea "It was a violent rush of salt water into a depressed fresh-water lake in a single catastrophe that has been the inspiration for the flood mythology" and I suddenly feel as though maybe he was talking about me. A violent rush.
Miri smiles, drags me into the bathroom. Inhale this darling this is not an exit. She pees on the floor, my red soles plash against her urine and the expression on her face: pure pride
I escape, leave her there. And then the real deluge comes crashing and I decide then and there to let the fuck go. I pour plum wine down my soar throat and smoke in the crowded hallway. I think about Avy and her perfect legs. About Chloé and all that love. Father figure Frank and mother. This is not an exit, it's a ferocious rush of salt water down my chin.