Monday, February 7

Truth and Tramadol

Three Tramadol makes me feel less heavy inside. Five creates a massive amount of stones in my stomach. Its all about balance. Control. I look around the kitchen. A bottle of what I assume is champagne is left half full on the table. I grabb it and empty it in 3 gulps. For each one the distance between emotions and me grows further.

Sitting by the table smoking my benson slowly coming to life I suddenly notice it. . A black tattered notebook. I look at it like it holds all secrets of my past. Things is though, I realize while flipping pages that its not mine. Its hers. Iris. My mother never told me about a journal. she never told me anything.

Her childlike letters and crappy spelling hits home, I hold the key to something awful here. With a mixture of hate and fascination I read.

Louis needs to get his act together. I wont help him off the floor again, put him in some black cab and tell it tp drive off to yet another rehab. I wont do it, its not fair to me. I have my own problems.

Cant help but think, did she really think of me as a problem to take care of? If so, why didn't she?

Outfit of the day

Dress: Jil Sander circa 1975.

Lipstick: chanel, colour of coagulated blood.

Death and disaster darlings.


Rudie Wilderness said...

oh darling you are a dream except you still exist when I wake up.


Fabíola Beltrão said...

amazing blog....



abigail oliveros said...

i love the dress, very sexy and thanks for the add of facebook. very great of you :)

is that your natural hair colour?

with love,

William said...

First, thanks for stopping by to comment on my blog.

I really like your thoughts/writings you have here. It's like seeing a person's soul on paper. It's what i try to do with some of my posts, but sometimes i'm either too afraid or I won't post because I don't have enough anonymity.

Tabs A. Geek said...

Beautiful photos.

I've always wondered the kind of things I would find in my mother's journal -- what thoughts she would pour out about me on the pages.

Loulou said...

shall I really state the obvious?
i guess you knwo what I think.

Aurélie said...

so beautiful dear, pure beauty. bisous, a

Anjela said...

Awesome blog!
Thanks so much for your sweet comment on my blog!

Linda Love London said...

Fantastic dress! u look good.

Christopher said...

Such subtle, poignant and heartbreaking questions at the end.

Also, you have insanely sexy lips.

Heather Taylor said...

You're just tragically mesmerizing.

Jazzy E (hivennn) said...