Last night I fell a sleep by the pool. Father figure Frank was out for dinner and I didn't want to come. Instead I chose a bottle of plum wine as company and dangled my legs in the warm water, listening to Joy Division. I thought about Charles although I didn't want to, tried to remember what he smelled like but all I could think of was how the sheets smelled after sex. That smell isn't how I want to remember him, I want to drag down the sent from behind his ear deep down in my lungs but cigarette smoke was the only substitute I had.
I drank slowly, singin along And she expressed herself in many different ways Until she lost control again And walked upon the edge of no escape and thought about the time he brused my wrists until I didn't miss him as much.
Woke up five minuts a go, got in but I can't seem to fall back a sleep. I've got a feeling of emptyness in my cheast and I think maybe father figure Frank's pancakes can fix it. Maybe. All I know for certain is that this is the first time in what seems like forever that I don't want to fill the whole inside with Old Raj gin. And that's got to count for something, right?
Some of you have started to send friendrequests on facebook to me, I just wanted to say that I really like it and keep it coming. I smile everytime, and some sort of warm feeling grows in my gut - and that's a rare feeling for me.