Saturday, March 6

And she gave away the secrets of her past

Last night I fell a sleep by the pool. Father figure Frank was out for dinner and I didn't want to come. Instead I chose a bottle of plum wine as company and dangled my legs in the warm water, listening to Joy Division. I thought about Charles although I didn't want to, tried to remember what he smelled like but all I could think of was how the sheets smelled after sex. That smell isn't how I want to remember him, I want to drag down the sent from behind his ear deep down in my lungs but cigarette smoke was the only substitute I had.

I drank slowly, singin along
And she expressed herself in many different ways Until she lost control again And walked upon the edge of no escape and thought about the time he brused my wrists until I didn't miss him as much.



Woke up five minuts a go, got in but I can't seem to fall back a sleep. I've got a feeling of emptyness in my cheast and I think maybe father figure Frank's pancakes can fix it. Maybe. All I know for certain is that this is the first time in what seems like forever that I don't want to fill the whole inside with Old Raj gin. And that's got to count for something, right?

Some of you have started to send friendrequests on facebook to me, I just wanted to say that I really like it and keep it coming. I smile everytime, and some sort of warm feeling grows in my gut - and that's a rare feeling for me.

11 comments:

apparellel said...

that counts for a lot. beautiful girl, beautiful writing.

xxx
t

Elizabeth said...

Write a book! Write a book!

Anise said...

beautiful post! and for the record, pancakes DO solve everything.

xx x

lauren lanza osias said...

mmm, pancakes. i would totally read your book, perhaps with a bottle of plum wine...

http://laurenlanzaosias.blogspot.com
be a follower, not a hater

Ally said...

is there really life after old raj? prove it.

x

Heather Taylor said...

Falling asleep by the pool sounds wonderful...

Melanie M said...

Geez, your posts are so inspirational. Also, that picture is so mysterious. Unbelievable. Oh, & the dress in the last post is completely beautiful.

:)


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Follow please? <3

Bubbly Lifestyle said...

I love how you write!!
Lovely blog :)

marian said...

love pancakes too xx
marian

SaraJ said...

thank u so much 4 last night love.

Sophia said...

I'm so jealous of you, and your freedom. Feeling empty inside gives the world some perspective. I feel that way all the time; I'm just waiting for someone to fill in the hole.

Much love,
Sophia