Left my safety zone today

The death of a disco dancer
Well, I'd rather not get involved
I never talk to my neighbour
I'd rather not get involved
- The Smiths


I took a long walk earlier today, several hours out in the fresh air really cleared my head. Spent the night crying, yes crying. I haven't really cried in years but last night I did. I hate the fact that I am alone, I hate that she left for a fucking man who doesn't even love her, I hate that I haven't had good sex since I came back to London and I hate that I actualy miss being at my old boarding school in Belgium.

So I walked my anger and sadness of dressed in a Burberry trench and my hair in a tight ponytail, up and down the streets of this semi-beatiful town. Found a window that catched my eye, it looks like I imagine my organs do. I'm not very nice to them I know, drinking seven days a week, taking heavy painkillers for no reason and smoke worse then french girls in movies. But I can't think of a single reason to take care of my innerself. Whats the point?

Will light a cigarette now, wish someone els could do it for me. And I'd like somebody to pour my wine for me as well, but that requires me going to a bar or something and I simply won't do it. Not today.

Bisous