Tuesday, September 29

Left my safety zone today

The death of a disco dancer
Well, I'd rather not get involved
I never talk to my neighbour
I'd rather not get involved
- The Smiths



I took a long walk earlier today, several hours out in the fresh air really cleared my head. Spent the night crying, yes crying. I haven't really cried in years but last night I did. I hate the fact that I am alone, I hate that she left for a fucking man who doesn't even love her, I hate that I haven't had good sex since I came back to London and I hate that I actualy miss being at my old boarding school in Belgium.



So I walked my anger and sadness of dressed in a Burberry trench and my hair in a tight ponytail, up and down the streets of this semi-beatiful town. Found a window that catched my eye, it looks like I imagine my organs do. I'm not very nice to them I know, drinking seven days a week, taking heavy painkillers for no reason and smoke worse then french girls in movies. But I can't think of a single reason to take care of my innerself. Whats the point?
Will light a cigarette now, wish someone els could do it for me. And I'd like somebody to pour my wine for me as well, but that requires me going to a bar or something and I simply won't do it. Not today.



Bisous




10 comments:

kpeach said...

sorry you're so down, I'm sending you good thoughts

Signe said...

Hugs.

Harry McKinley said...

Everyone in this city has their down days and their highs, sure things will pick up soon...

Susan said...

wish you would feel better...

WJ said...

Sorry to hear that you are feeling conflicted, but sometimes what we need is to be alone for a while, to reflect on what is really worthwhile. By the way I really enjoy your honesty, so I'm following your blog now! Too bad I couldn't make it to the wine party to cheer you up...

Victoria said...

ohh, i miss my old country too.. Sigh.

Marian said...

wish you feel better honey,big hug. I do like the adorable photos!
xx
marian

Anika said...

HUGS. As many as you need darling. I find sometimes sitting in the midst of beautiful scenery helps, so hope your walk did.

And p.s. love the eternal fashionista...."in a burberry trench"...and that wicked hair.

You rock, darl!

Anonymous said...

the bw pictures do not look like london...

belle in arms said...

well, anonymous writer, who said anything about them being taken in London?