Tuesday, September 21

The easiest way to lose something is to want it to badly


Since I came back for London I've been quiet, not by choice but due to the curcomstenses. Who am I supposed to talk to I wonder. By not talking I've realized something : When I have company, I don't really do much talking anyway. So I'm okay with silence. I enjoy it. I listen to my own breathing, adjust it so that it'll match the base in whatever song I might have on. And I think it's gonna be along long time until touchdown brings me around again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home, oh no no no. I sip wine slowly, exhale smoke into my pillow and pretend that the world does not exist. Or maybe that my apartment is the world. My bedroom is France of course, bathroom Spain, kitchen Italy, hallway Germany, library USA and so on. I change what language I think in when I move from room to room.

Maybe Im going insane. Or maybe I've got the whole world in my apartment, and in that case I might just be the luckiest girl alive.


( Amanda, Im terribly sorry but I will not answer my phone until the atarax has left my body. Give it a day or two)

5 comments:

Lola-Rose said...

I will come to London in October.. if you want someone to converse with other than the apartments metaphorical population, I am more than happy to meet somewhere x xxx

pushing up daisies. said...

worldly apartments are the best kind.

sanchez said...

I think you always know what to say all the time.
I want things to much and they always fall to pieces.
and even then, I still want to pick up those broken pieces even if they cut me.


and then I hurt all over again.

Its nice to have to normalcy

Susan said...

sometime silence is the way to express yourself...
take care, darling.
xoxo

ivy said...

its an art to enjoy ones own company. i think you do it gracefully.