Saturday, May 8

A quiet scream in the dark nights of Paris

There is an ocean inside of me, storming with anger and a lust for revenge.

I've never been the angry kind, not the kind of girl who raises her voice or lashes out infront of people. My mother tought me to keep feelings prisoners locked inside and never let them see the light of day, never show anything. A neutral face is a beautiful face she said.

and beauty is what keeps us alive, isn't it? So therefor I follow her example, I keep the storm inside and never let anyone know that all I really want to do, all I long for is to scream from the top of my lungs. To call the girl who passes me on the street a whore, to give the man who rolled of me a black eye. That's what my heart desires. But we all know I never will. She is her mothers daughet my teachers used to whisper when I gave them the silent treatment eight years old, like a stubburn old lady. Maybe I am. But I chose my father figure. I chose him.


Anonymous said...

i tend to bottle things up too.
and its because my mother told me too.

sanchez said...

I'm one of those girls who envy the people who can hide away their feelings.

I wish I could sometimes. Just so I would be a little less like me.

so then people wouldnt really know who I am anymore.

JenniAsh said...

'There is an ocean inside of me, storming with anger and a lust for revenge.'

I love that line and how you've incorporated it in this piece,it's such a matter-of-fact statement.

TabithaVenasse said...

I'm a bottler as well.

I've been taught over the years that it's not such a good thing, and the people who made me aware of such have worked hard to help me learn to release.

My natural inclination however, is still to bottle. It makes me feel stronger, if that makes any sense, like I'm more in control of the storm that is brewing.

s + b said...

'to keep feelings prisoners locked inside'... your writing is so beautiful. i'm so glad that you let out at least some of your feelings here, it's refreshing to read something so raw and real.

Sophia said...

i am the same way although unlike you, i didn't learn that from my mother.