Wednesday, May 26

Gloomy Sunday


These last couple of days have been a bit like drowning. I've been unable to form words since my lungs have been filled, and my heart stopped beating for a split second (the longest second of my life). ChloƩ went for a walk, said she needed air from the outside. Didn't want me to come so I stayed, with eyes sparkling by the rejection. The water was coming out, it wasn't just filling me up on the inside anymore. When she returned hours and several bottles of wine later she threw a dead rabbit on the floor I thought we could give this to the crow, death, when he visits tonight

The rabbit must have been dead for days, the blood was dark red, almost black and it smelled like flesh do when its decaying. Eyes opened, I reached forward and gently shut his eyelids closed. Lifeless eyes are judging. Like they're let in on a big secret , like they've seen everything and more.
Like they despise us and our ignorance

And now lovers, the water has filled up every part of me, taken an exit through my eyes and started to pour on our hardwood floors. For every step I take, the water splashes around me creating small circles. and when they die out, I feel the need to make more. I'm worried.

10 comments:

lilly said...

i love that post. i feel sorry and yet i can feel things coming so often, so often as well.
remember the tarot? that death means new beginnings?
maybe i can see that for you.

SkinnyBitch said...

I think that the constant in your life must be plum wine + cigarettes

and it's kind of a great constant

Technolustmaxx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Technolustmaxx said...

Thanks for reading! Where did you find me?

Technolust

AllYouNeedIsLove said...

thanks! you're blog is really cool :)

lilly said...

oh thx. i love everything here.i find it hard to comnect to anything anyone, i'm so out of time. you seeme to be one of the very few.

sanchez said...

"Like they are let in on a big secret , like they've seen everything and more. "

that made me sad.
but this post is brilliant, and inspiring and heartfelt. You continue to amaze me Belle.

voguelady. said...

this is the saddest, most gorgeous post. your writing is amazing, it always makes me feel less alone.
i hope there's people around that are there for you. xo

Sophia said...

"and when they die out, I feel the need to make more." fathomless sorrow. i feel your pain.

xo, sophia

Helga! said...

Catching up on your posts,I feel like I am reading a beautiful silent movie......