suicide solution

Been dying slowly these past couple of days. Been seeing everything I ate in reverse, reliving all nine stages of hell (Yes, Ive been to hell and back before) and sleeping more than Ive ever done before. In sheets stained with sin Ive sweated out all anxiety from my past. Iris gave me four Tramadol and left. That was wednesday so Im doubting she'll be back.

She fears weakness more than anything. More than love.

The fever is slowly dropping to a more suitable temperature (close to Rigor mortis), my back is drying up and I start to regain some sort of consciousness. I light cigarettes although I still have burning ones in the ashtray next to me.

I do not wish to be anywhere else, nor to be anyone else. Not because this miserable existence is what Id choose above all but because I simply cant imagin anything else.